MY 2023 NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS (Humor)

I was going to quit all my bad habits, but I realized no one likes a quitter.

I resolve to take all the Christmas lights down by Easter.

I resolve to get into shape. Round is a shape.

I resolve to read more, so I’m going to put the closed captions up on my TV screen.

I resolve to leave the toilet seat down, as long as my wife promises to leave the toilet seat up.

I resolve to get better at multi-tasking, so I’m going to start texting while sitting on the toilet.

I resolve to stop making the same mistake twice. Instead, I’ll make a different mistake each time.

I resolve to stop messing up my online passwords, so I’ve changed all of them to “Incorrect.” Now every time I key in the wrong code, the computer reminds me that, “Your password is incorrect.”

I resolve to conserve water by taking fewer showers and baths.

I resolve to stop repeating myself again and again and again.

I resolve to live forever.  So far so good. If I fail to keep this resolution, I will die trying.

Lastly, I resolve to break all my New Year resolutions. That way I can succeed at something.

Source: Funny Times Richard Lederer