Happy New Year
MY 2023 NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS (Humor)
I was going to quit all my bad habits, but I realized no one likes a quitter.
I resolve to take all the Christmas lights down by Easter.
I resolve to get into shape. Round is a shape.
I resolve to read more, so I’m going to put the closed captions up on my TV screen.
I resolve to leave the toilet seat down, as long as my wife promises to leave the toilet seat up.
I resolve to get better at multi-tasking, so I’m going to start texting while sitting on the toilet.
I resolve to stop making the same mistake twice. Instead, I’ll make a different mistake each time.
I resolve to stop messing up my online passwords, so I’ve changed all of them to “Incorrect.” Now every time I key in the wrong code, the computer reminds me that, “Your password is incorrect.”
I resolve to conserve water by taking fewer showers and baths.
I resolve to stop repeating myself again and again and again.
I resolve to live forever. So far so good. If I fail to keep this resolution, I will die trying.
Lastly, I resolve to break all my New Year resolutions. That way I can succeed at something.
Source: Funny Times Richard Lederer
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